Self indulgence

This blog is the most self righteous thing ever.
I sit here feeling bad for myself, writing about my "depression" and "Judgement."
Most self indulgent thing ever.
Of all time.

Told you.

You two see?
I told you it wouldn't last.

I used to think about philosophy and write poetry a ton.
It started with a poem I wrote for remembrance day, which I read in an assembly. My teachers and classmates would push me along and tell me to write more.
So I did. I wrote thirteen poems over the course of about two months.
The last one I wrote went by the name of Trudging;

Trudging
I trudge,
Through rain,
Through snow,
Through muck and mud,
I trudge on,
Leaving footprints as to what I've done,
And clues as to what I will do,
I trudge alone,
Followed closely by love and hate,
Happiness and sadness,
With peace trailing behind,
And in spite of all the choices,
The grief and hate,
I trudge on.



Kind of ironic, huh?

And now I'm on a daily schedule.

Yeah, I'm posting daily now. Not going to last, but I'm gonna try it anyway.

Right now I'm sitting in a computer lab at my school.
The computers are arranged in the shape of a squared A, computers in rows along the middle with a couple lines down the side.
I'm sitting alone with the nearest person being two computers down.
Granted, that isn't far, but its far enough away to stop us from having any sort of a conversation.

Saying that, I feel quite lonely nowadays, my only meaningful interaction happening at lunch, when I go to my little group of friends, and we chat for about half an hour.
Aside from that, I spend the rest of my time at school alone, maybe talking to a couple of people in D-tech.

I don't mind it though, as I always spend time alone.
All of it making me very adept at entertaining myself.

But never mind it.
I'll be fine.

A belated post.

I see someone I trust has joined in with the gossip towards me. Great.
Freaking wonderful.


I'm going to be tested for social anxiety along with mild depression in a couple weeks.
Social anxiety would explain some things.
Like my constant guilty thinking and what used to be an obsession with social media.
Depression, however, would be a death sentence. If I'm diagnosed with depression, I don't stand a chance.
I mean, within my current conditions, a loving family at home, but judgement at school, simple need to be accepted will drive me further down the path of depression.

Hurricane Sandy

There are so many people relating this to that damned terrible movie.
Oh 2012, you kill all hope for humanity.

Anyway, Hurricane Sandy is a thing. What, 8.9 million without power? Largest storm ever recorded? It's amazing.
... In all the wrong ways.
Based on what I've heard from the news, 38 people have died, and the death toll is continuing to rise.
Most people being killed by falling trees.
The trees rise to take back what is theirs!

...
Don't judge me.

CONTINUING TO YAMMER

Someone in my D-tech class said my blog made no sense.

All things considered, he's telling the truth.

I think the people in my school think I'm a creep.

Granted, walking about probably isn't too friendly, but... I dunno.

Maybe their right.

Yammering on...

I hate being alone, doing menial tasks, as time to reflect is torturous to me. I am constantly reminding myself of every time that I am a piece of crap to someone, reminding myself of how I screwed someone over or how I am just a terrible person.
It bugs me, but for whatever reason I feel it's needed to keep me in line.
...
Or something along those lines.
Maybe I'm just using it as an excuse to be a douche.
But the four of you will be the judge of that.

On a slightly less selfish topic, so that dude jumped jumped outta the atmosphere at what, 24 miles?
Holy crap, that did sound kinda douchey.
That guy has balls of steel. First guy to break the sound barrier without any machines. It's amazing.
I should probably know more about this story, huh?
Meh.